TRUST IN THE CAREER POLITICIAN
by Sam Pierce
Alright, peasants, your moment has passed. It is time to get back to the business of selecting between the two career politicians who are acceptable to the omnipotent establishment. Do not complain, as you are not sophisticated enough to know what is needed in a presidential race. We let you pretend that there might be a chance for something other than our designated winner, but our patience is wearing thin.
We are offering Plan A and Plan B. If by some calculation error Plan A fails, we have Plan B. The beauty of having a Plan A and Plan B (once Governor Crisco made his second or third decision we could set the current Plan B) is that if Plan A succeeds, the supporters of Plan B can blame Herman Cain. In case it isn't clear to you who may so childishly cling to the desire to have a believable candidate, Plan B supporters will believe Cain is merely a stalking horse for Plan A.
Still not convinced? What will it take to get you to see your folly? We know what is needed! Look at John McCain's margin of victory over Barack... well that was an aberration (after all, we can't get a Bob Dole every cycle). On second thought, just admire the brilliance of our victories and ignore the many times we failed. (There, you should feel better about doing as we say now.)
What we need in this most crucial of elections is a man with the courage to wait until someone has offered a plan and then ignore the fact that 9-9-9 is obviously flat and fair and bluster about how the American people want something "flatter and fairer"... Plan B will present his "flatter and fairer" plan next week. Even if you little people realize that 9-9-9 isn't perfect and even if you are smart enough to know that a candidate's tax plan doesn't automatically become law upon his inauguration as we in the establishment would like to have you believe, surely you can see the guts it takes to let someone else lead.
Plan B's "flatter and fairer" plan will be much better than 9-9-9, but it will only be really good if Plan A fails. Plan A, as you might recall had the political savvy to gauge public sentiment before having his own opinion on bailouts during the previous campaign.
Plan A offers the electorate the most flexibility of any candidate. No candidate can match the chameleon-like nature of Plan A, who can adapt to any audience and take all sides of any issue. Plan A, then, must be considered the candidate of everyone, again, as he has held nearly every position. Support of Plan A is critical because we all know that elections are won by "independents" (aka those who have no principles, as evidenced by the "independent" support of Obama). Who better to win the unprincipled vote than one who can slip into any position with the ease of a properly lubricated and aligned shaft and matching bearing?
